11th: 365 Reasons to be an adult

So I came back already. This is now one of my favourite places (Santo Pão, Araçatuba). Got a coado again. I like real coffee. The most important thing for me is the aroma, the feeling a real coffee gives you, not the sugar and extra fancy thingies that look good in photos.

Who wants Chantilly when you can get flavour like this so easy with the wonderful service again. Yup, coffee for the soul 👩‍🍳.

But, onto a different matter. Yeah I want to be a BMF just like Nate Diaz wanted. To do that he had to not allow Masvidel absolutely smash him to bits. Diaz was excellent against McGregor, who played their replay intelligently to narrowly win. I would love a McGregor Masvidel fight now, hoping McGregor could do what he did to Aldo (the superstar from the favela).

To start that I have to eliminate my secret protection measures. F*** this means I gotta face what I’ve ignored for 33 years, my fears. Playing the guitar in the Halfpenny Inn, Dublin, I was told that I was fearless (cos my singing voice can kill a rat). It’s easy to be fearless when you use a measure to hide reality. Smokes, grass, alcohol, I did them all in large quantities to close my eyes for days/weeks.

As a kid I read 2 or 3 books a night, to hide. I found out about my willy when I was 14. Baywatch was great 🤫. Then I found grass in Maui when I was 21 on a J1 visa.

But but but, why the hell did I reside in victim mode? I have great excuses. Sounds great to me anyway. Do you want to live in an excuse? F*** that is tiring and debilitating to me, never mind the world around me.

I never took control of myself to do things that I like to do other than when I was 20 and trained with the TCD Siegerson Cup team. My uni results went up , I started to enjoy life and meet girls and life became fun. Again I got loaded with lots of fantastic excuses that next summer.

Why did I stop???????

Ok, my excuses in reality were spectacular.

But when I got sick of being an excuse I found help. I’m sick and tired of crying by myself. I want to smile. To smile I gotta do things I enjoy. To do that I have to be responsible and behave like an adult and take control of my life or my life will control me.

I’m going outside for a smoke now cos it’s nice and fresh outside. Gotta chill out a bit before I go home to tidy up.